Shrinking Myself

Sick, Again? Wow.

2010-01-26T15:09:00.000-08:00

I think that the gods are against me. They see that I start getting into my exercise groove and they say, "Wham! Let's hit her with some sort of plague or pestilence. We can't have her getting healthy on us and stop worshiping the gods of gluttony, laziness and obesity."

So, because of the plague of a head cold that I have had for the past week, I have taken some time off from exercise. I am still sick, but today I reached the realization that I should at least be doing SOMETHING physically challenging, other than walking up the stairs.

I was reminded of the time, while I lived in Greensboro, NC and traveled by bike, that I had a severe cold that had gone into my lungs. I was out of luck, though. I didn't have any other choice than to ride my bike to get to the places that I needed to go. It killed me. OK, not literally, hence the fact that I am still here to tell the story, but I got through it. And you know what they say...what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. And this time, I do mean that literally.

So, while swimming is out of the question, due to nasal congestion, sit-ups, push-ups and walking/jogging are not. Hopefully they won't kill me.

The Test Begins...

2010-01-21T21:03:00.000-08:00

The FBI physical test reqs, that is, AND the verdict is that I would never get in. I am too out of shape. I haven't even started the running part of the reqs, but as far as push-ups go, I had to do girly style and I am not very quick at the sit-ups. Yes, that's right. I would already be at -4 points. I was only able to do 27 sit-ups in the one minute time and I did 15 girly push-ups before giving up.

I have A LOT of work to do. I'll keep you updated.

The Next Level

2010-01-19T21:29:00.000-08:00

I've been swimming three times a week for about a month, now. It's time to take it to the next level. I recently read the physical requirements necessary to apply for the FBI. I know that I am not applying to be an agent, although that would be awesome, but I thought that it was a pretty good measurement of my health.

FBI Physical Reqs

So, to begin with, I will start timing myself once a day to see how many sit-ups I can do in a minute, as well as push-ups. There is not a time limit, but you do have to be able to do a certain number consecutively. So, I will do as many push-ups in a row as I can. Hopefully this will help me to build up my strength and get ready for the last 90 days prior to my birthday. That's right...I'll be doing P90X during those final three months. I definitely need to start gearing up now.

Building Stamina

2010-01-12T21:35:00.000-08:00

I have now been swimming laps 3 times a week for 4 weeks now. I have slowly been building up my stamina, which is very difficult for me, especially when swimming front crawl, or freestyle. It basically sucks. I find myself wheezing and struggling to make it to the end of each lap.

Recently, however, I made some friends at the pool who gave me excellent advice to help me in my plight. Now, I swim as many laps as I can handle swimming in a row and then I swim a lap backstroke. That way, I don't stop moving, but I allow myself to catch my breath. This has helped me, so instead of swimming one lap up and back, I can now swim 2 in a row, and then I swim a lap backstroke so that I don't die.

Today, however, I took a break from front crawl and swam breaststroke the entire time. Breaststroke is one of the easier strokes for me, but it still gives me a good workout. I did enjoy the fact that I could swim the entire time without breaking my laps up with a length of backstroke. I actually swam about a mile, though I can't be sure. I always forget to keep track of exactly how many laps I swim. Is there some cool device that counts laps for you?

Cool Toys

2010-01-09T20:53:00.000-08:00

As with any activity there is a plethora of cool tools and toys to help; everything from audio to fashion. It is no different with swimming. There are many different types of swimsuits, even when you buy the racing suits that are best for swimming laps, swim caps, different types of goggles, etc., and those are just the basics. The toy that I am currently coveting is a waterproof case and headphones for my iPod.

With as much as I tout the serenity associated with being under water, you would think that I could care less about having something to entertain me as I work out. There are those times, however, that I would love the distraction from the fact that I am still working on gaining stamina and that I often get so out of breath that I have to take a break for a few breathing seconds. ALSO, it would help prevent my ears from popping as I move my head in and out of the water.

Here is the swimsuit that I want, as well:

It is basic, black and stays on well while swimming. All of the above are good for me. Unfortunately, I have never found a suit that gives me enough support in the chest area. My solution to this is to wear a sports bra underneath my suit. It's not the most attractive, although I keep looking for better options or better looking sports bras, but it is effective. My dream is to one day get down to the point where I don't need one. As for now, as soon as I get down a size, I'm going to buy this suit...well, and when I have some money to spare.

Strength of Body and Soul

2010-01-08T10:08:00.000-08:00

While gliding along weightlessly through the calm, cool water, the sound muffled into silence as I pulled myself stroke after stroke across the pool, I realized exactly how calming it is and how much I enjoy swimming laps.

Finding a way to enjoy working out has made a huge difference in my desire to exercise regularly. I always have a hard time getting started, but now after a few weeks of going to the pool 3 or so times a week, I have started looking forward to that time where I can block everything else out and just enjoy the release of swimming lap after lap.

I have often heard runners talk of this calm and having the ability to just block everything out, but running is painful for me due to chronic shin splints and I have never been able to get to that point. That is why I am so glad that I was introduced and taught the proper way to swim laps a few years ago. It has become my "go to" exercise that always helps me to get started with exercising regularly.

Everyone needs a "go to" exercise; a physical activity that they can truly enjoy but is still a challenge. This is one of the best motivators of regular exercise. We have to enjoy it and want to continue. If we hate doing it, it stands to reason that we won't.

Also, we shouldn't be afraid to try different activities. Sticking with it long enough to decide if it is truly enjoyable is important. However, if you decide you hate it, oh well, se la vie. There is always something new to try. The most important thing is just to stay active.

...and Again...and a New Year

2010-01-06T10:02:00.000-08:00

Yup, that's right, it's the New Year with all that implies. New goals to replace the unfulfilled goals of last year and new motivation. I will sadly admit that none of my goals from last year were reached. Honestly, it makes me feel pathetic, like I've become less of a person. It wasn't as if I were even close to achieving them, which is the worst part. This year I HAVE to be better.

I have been getting back to swimming laps at the pool after my recovery from the Swine Flu. It took me a while to get back, but during the end of December I started swimming laps. Mornings are difficult for me, so I have started going to the pool at night. So far, this has worked. I don't always have the desire to go, but the promise of sitting in the hottub has added allure for me.

AND NOW for the big goal reveal. This year I will turn 30. That's right, the big three-oh that begins the downslide of our youth and bodies. Sadly, I look better now than I did in my youth, but I still don't look great. Great by 30 is my goal. The countdown has begun, as you can see from my countdown calendar addition, and I am up for the challenge.

Seriously? Swine Flu?

2009-11-13T07:09:00.000-08:00

So, of course, just when I start getting into a quasi-routine, I am one of the lucky ones to contract the H1N1 flu. I figured that I would eventually get it, considering I usually catch whatever goes around. That is one of the benefits that I am looking forward to with a healthier body, a better immunity.

Here are a few of the benefits that I expect to come with being in shape:

1. Better sleep. I know it won't be perfect considering I haven't slept well since I was a teenager and have even had a sleep study done. There was no official diagnosis. I didn't fit the official sleep apnea requirements, but my doctor did prescribe oxygen to sleep with...right before Todd got laid off and we lost insurance.

2. Better Immunity, which I've already explained.

3. The obvious one of not hating shopping, clothes and all pictures taken of me.

4. Feeling like I can keep up with Todd and all of his many sports. You may not have been swimming with us lately, to know, but he is ripped, and plays sports at the very least 3-4 times a week, plus lifting weights.

5. No more comments from my mom. Subconsciously, I have always had this goal to get into better shape than her, considering she has been skinny my whole life and has always made little comments about my size. I honestly don't even know if she realizes how often she does it.

6. The feeling of self-worth that is always associated with meeting a difficult goal in my life.

7. And not last, but definitely worthy of this list, that Ba-Baam moment with my husband, where he realizes how truly hot I am.

So, as I sit here, making my list, yet another time with all the motivation in the world until I have have to put my lap-top down and make a physical effort, I have to think to myself: If I have to be this sick, why can't it at least come with the added benefit of weightloss like any other self-respecting disease?

The Butt-Kicking of a Weak Woman

2009-11-04T06:54:00.000-08:00

Water aerobics sure kicked my butt today. I've been sick and lazy, lately, and extremely tired for some reason, so I haven't been vigilant about making it to the pool. I made it today, though, and I'll probably be grumpy for the rest of the day because I had to wake up at 5...in the AM. Yeah.

It was good, though. The best kind of butt-kicking. Now to eradicate the chlorine smell from my skin.

Shin Splints in a Pool?

2009-10-12T06:40:00.000-07:00

The latest update on my workout plan with better and more support starts with my saying that my husband sucks at making me get out of bed. He really does. I guess that is one of his things. He hates to wake people up.

However, I have been doing better and better on waking up at 5am, when he does and going to the fitness center to swim laps. The past couple of weeks I only made it twice and I only swam laps without the additional water aerobics. I DID make friends at the pool who gave me tips on building my stamina for my lap swim. Their advice has been very helpful and I am slowly building up to where I can swim nearly double the laps I started out at. It's still not very much, but it is getting there, and that is the key.

TODAY was different. I actually woke up and got out of bed before the "2 minutes till takeoff" time and was ready to go. I increased my "sprint" lap number AND I did a half hour of water aerobics. Now, I know you might chuckle to yourself and envision 20 old ladies casually bouncing around in their skirted swimsuits, and if you were to show up at 7am, that is what you would find. I know that is what I am used to, but at 6am it is a very different story. APPARENTLY, the instructor is an "on land" aerobics instructor, who kicks your butt in gear for an ab blasting workout...well, today was ab blasting, at least. And after having already swum laps for 35 minutes, I sure was beat. I can assure you that I definitely got my workout today. In fact, about halfway through my aerobics stint, I felt that old familiar pain in my shins that has become like a friend letting me know that this workout will do.

As for the rest of the week...well, I'll let you know how it goes. I can only go up from here.

Update

2009-09-29T10:10:00.001-07:00

Well, I figure that I ought to get back on the wagon and be more involved in my fitness, again.

I have not done well this past little while. Not having a job, being home and sedentary all day combined with my husband's love of food has not been a good thing. It also doesn't help that Todd knows the way to my heart is a piece of chocolate in nearly any form.

It is a sad, true fact, that I am at the same weight, but feeling a bit chubbier than my last post. So really, this isn't a blog about fitness and getting into shape, but more a "woe is me" blog right now.

SO, to avoid such a horrible blog, I have made some new goals with new help and better support. I guess you could call this my GOAL GIRDLE.

For the past...I don't know how long...Todd has been getting up at about 5 every morning to play basketball and lift weights with a group of guys on alternating mornings. His pecks and waistline have really seen a difference. Sigh. However, it does leave me feeling a little less than a full-fledged oompa-loompa. So this week I asked Todd if he would start waking me up on the mornings that he lifts weights at the community center so that I can swim laps.

I did this yesterday, and I didn't die, so I am hoping that it will continue and become a habit for me. I also found out that there is water aerobics starting at 6am. Sooo...I can swim laps for half an hour (Give me a break! I'm still getting back into the swing of things!) and then I will do water aerobics with the class. This will put me getting out a little later than the guys, but I will just drive my own vehicle over in the mornings.

ALSO, I am starting to think about my eating a little bit more. I definitely enjoy my sweets far too much, and the best eating habits that I have had was when I was in Weight Watchers. WW really is a fantastic program for helping keep your morale and resolve up, as well as teaching better eating habits. (Although, I really learned to just eat their frozen food so that the points were figured out for me.) My method now, is to eat one of their frozen meals for lunch, a light breakfast after I get home from swimming and then dinner with Todd in the evening. I might even get him to put less butter in the vegetables.

Overall, this is such a simple and basic plan, but this is what has worked for me in the past. It is also during those times that I have forgotten that I am actually on a plan and just start BEING healthy. What has made the difference has always been my support structure. So, although I am stubborn and independent, I have tried to build a solid support structure for my plan. And of course, I have to remember, "SLoW and sTeaDy WiNs the rACe."

Shopping

2009-03-20T11:10:00.000-07:00

Recently I watched the movie "Confessions of a Shopaholic." I actually thought that it was a pretty entertaining movie and that it had some great quotes in it. I'm sure you have seen the previews where it talks about how shopping makes Rebecca feel (and since I know you are the only one who reads this, Lisa, and we saw that movie together, I really know that you understand what I am talking about). A store is like the butter that melts down your heart and makes you feel all warm and tingly.

Well, I have only had rare glimpses of that feeling. Most of my life I have avoided shopping in general. I am NOT a shopper. A large part of this, is that I don't have the patience for it and the other part, is that I can never find clothes that fit well or that I like. In fact, I usually end up on the verge of tears as outfit after outfit fits poorly, doesn't lay right or they don't have clothing in my size. I have never understood this. Also, anything a little larger than medium sized isn't really my style or doesn't have much style at all. So because I am chubby, I am destined to hide my personality behind odd fitting and blah clothing.

But as I mentioned before, every once in a while, I have that heart melting moment where my faith is restored in shopping. Usually it is when I am outside of Utah as was the case today.

As I was waiting for my flight, I decided to run into the local Target to use the facilities and was sidetracked by their clothing section. Now, I realize that we have Target in Utah, but...different store, different state, different buyer. I usually avoid the clothing section, but today I had spare time, so I thought, "why not?" And as I looked around the store and found jackets and shirts and skirts and all sorts of wonderful things for me to try on I became more and more excited. Are you serious? That shirt looks good on me? This jacket fits well and also has structure so that I look more slender? (I have a hard time finding that in Utah.) Wow, I was overwhelmed.

This was when I realized what shopping could be. All of the sudden it dawned on me and I became the "lady in the green scarf" who loved shopping and had this full understanding and appreciation for the style that I could have and the person that I could be; the colors and accessories and personality.

Why then, have I spent my life thwarting this? I have become my own worst enemy through my emotional fears and eating, my stubbornness and love for chocolate, my laziness and penchant for Lay's potato chips. I continually choose the easy way out when it comes to dieting and fitness. I'm not that person. I'm not the one who avoids work and doesn't plan when it comes to everything else. So why am I that person when it comes to food?

So regardless of how the clothes made me feel when I was outside of the state of Utah, I know that I can look even better and feel more secure with myself if I stop being THAT person...even when I am home. *ding* epiphany.

...and when I reach my end goal? I am coming shopping in San Francisco, where I left my heart.

Yay Me!

2009-03-12T17:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, so since my last post...I haven't done it. I know. Exactly. It has actually been a pretty rough couple of days. Yesterday I didn't even have time to eat until dinnertime. I did have steak, though. It was tasty.

TODAY, however, I have done really well and I am proud of myself considering that there is ice cream in my freezer. I stayed on my eating plan...not just kind of, which I have a tendency to do, but completely.

I ate protein and whole grains in the morning, had small protein and dairy snacks throughout the day and whole grains, proteins and veggies just now for dinner.

So...YAY ME!

Shape

2009-03-09T13:49:00.000-07:00

I am a subscriber of Shape magazine. It was supposed to be a motivation subscription. Let's see...that was a year and a half ago, and I weigh more than I did back then. Hmmm...

I just received the latest issue in the mail and, as I religiously do, read the entire magazine cover to cover. Every issue I do the same thing. I read all the success stories, all of the food, beauty and exercise tips and then I sit down in front of the television set. I know that the television is my favorite friend, but this is getting ridiculous. I just read all of these great ideas and new things to try and I never put them into action. So...

Just Do IT.

No, it's not a Nike advertisement, although I really think that they have a fantastic campaign. That is the main problem for chubby women everywhere. We need to "Just Do IT." So, taking a cue from Reality Bites, I am going to post this on my bathroom mirror and that is going to be my goal. I am going to finally do it.

And because every goal needs a "how"...
- I will not watch TV during the day unless I have already worked out for the day and am multi-tasking my TV watching by doing laundry, cleaning, etc.
- Sugar is only allowed once a day and within reason.
- I will lay out an eating plan and actually follow it.
- Time to pull out the food journal. I do better if I can carry mine around with me all day...and that means pulling out the purse. (I hate purses because they make me feel like an old lady.)

Regulation of "Just Doing IT" will be achieved through...
- A weekly audit of my food journal by a friend, *cough* Lisa *cough*
- A weekly weigh in, Biggest Loser style, also reported and recorded
- How clean my house gets while I watch television in the evening. Go ahead and test it. Drop by unexpectedly.

You'll see. I'm going to do it. I have to do it. I need to get healthy.

What Do You Do When You Don't Do Your Own Cooking?

2009-03-04T13:48:00.000-08:00

In my house, my husband does most of the cooking. I know what you are all thinking, how did I get so lucky? It just happened to work out that I don't do a lot of small meal cooking and he enjoys making random concoctions that usually turn out pretty ok.

Here are the pros:
I never have to worry about what is for dinner, or breakfast and lunch, for that matter.
I don't usually have to do much grocery shopping, which I hate.
The kids very rarely bother me about what is for dinner. They know that is their dad's job.

And the cons:
My husband is one of the messiest cooks I know. He apparently never learned the "clean as you cook" rule.
I'm the one who does the dishes because he does the cooking.
I don't get to choose what I am eating, or usually the portion size, for that matter.
I've gained about 30 pounds since I started eating with him regularly, which includes dating.

This is scary because that means that in less than 2 years I have gained 30 pounds, and I have NO EXCUSE.

As much as I love the pros on this list, the cons have definitely started to outweigh the pros. I love that my husband knows that food makes me happy and so makes me fantastic food, but I hate that I can't really control my diet. I NEED to eat better. Whenever I try, I am thwarted by my husband, even though he is truly just trying to be supportive.

I need to create change. How I achieve this delicately, I don't know. I am working on it, but any suggestions would be very helpful.

Getting Healthy

2009-03-02T08:59:00.000-08:00

Why is it, that when I talk to people about weight that they instantly become nervous and tell me lies?

What kind of lies, you ask? Well, the usual responses are: I think you look nice, If you lost as much as you want to you would be too skinny, Well you are a pretty girl...etc, etc, etc. Now, I know you probably don't consider these as lies, and are thinking that I just can't take a compliment. But, it is a lie. For long enough, I believed these lies and wasn't motivated enough to get healthy. That's what weight loss is supposed to be; getting healthy. I am not self-depreciating, I am not going to become anorexic. I do make a chubby joke at my own expense every once in a while. It's how I deal. Don't take it the wrong way, because when it comes down to it...I just need to get healthy.

That's all chubby women everywhere want; support in a common goal. We see our pictures. We see ourselves in the mirror. We know what we look like. I appreciate the niceties, but please, don't feed me that line of bull. I already eat enough as it is. That is the problem.

Midnight Burrito

2008-11-13T00:56:00.001-08:00

I gave into the cheap Lynn Wilson Bean and Cheese Burrito that was calling my name...I don't want to talk about it.

Other People and Diets

2008-11-12T17:27:00.000-08:00

I have learned in my vast dieting experience, that those who want us to lose weight are often the worst contributors to spoiling our diets. For example, take my mom, who desperately wants me to lose weight: My mom hates when I won't eat the food that she has cooked for me. She is known for her amazing pies and is devastated when I won't eat at least one piece of her pie. During a particular anti-desserts and candy stint, my mother would continually try to convince me that her fruit pie was a great breakfast food because it was fruit. I mean, how can I argue with that logic?

NOW let me tell you about today. Today I was going to be good. There were no obstacles in my way. No TV, no husband (who is out of town on business this week) and no temptations in the house. Enter stage right...my mother. We went shopping for decorating ideas for my STILL not quite decorated house. Bom, bom, bom...samples at Costco aren't that bad. They are just little bites of food. You haven't eaten all day. Lets get a dessert at IKEA.

Well, luckily I was smart enough not to eat breakfast before my mom met up with me. And dinner ended up being a bowl of this fantastic homemade garlic thin spaghetti noodles and some marinara, spicy tomato and garlic. What? I'm not kissing anyone tonight. I know that I should've stayed away from the carbs after the cinnamon roll, but cooking chicken for one can sometimes make me feel lonely when my husband is away.

The worst part of today is that, once again, I did not get up early enough to exercise. My continual battle...not the exercising, but mornings. Plus, for some reason, I have it stuck in my head that I have to exercise in the morning. SO, to prepare for this, I have set 2 alarm clocks in different parts of the bedroom. Maybe this will cause me to act. I need to find what it is that will help me maintain the level of motivation that I need to exercise.

Why I Created this Blog

2008-11-12T01:45:00.000-08:00

I was on vacation with my husband not too long ago, and he surprised me with tickets to a Broadway show. I hadn't packed the proper clothes for a show, and he didn't have anything as dressed down as I did with him. So that one of us was not dressier than the other, he dressed up a pair of jeans.

Did he have a pair of jeans with him, you ask? Certainly not. So, a great solution, but a serious blow to my self-esteem...he borrowed mine.

The really sad part of this story is that they looked better on him.

I think that was the official turning point for me. I have never been a skinny person, even as a gymnast, I was the chubbiest one on the team. I remember only one time in my life where I actually looked at myself in the mirror and was pleasantly surprised that the shirt I was wearing was too big. THAT was when I was 14 years old.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not overly large, but I am tipping over into the obese category. My entire life I have heard my mother say, "I have a diet that will work," or "why don't we exercise together" and my favorite..."if you could just lose 20 lbs, it would make such a difference. At least you have a pretty face." Lovely, I know. Especially considering that my mother has not had to worry overly much about her weight until very recently.

Here is where this blog comes in. I am going to make an effort to really keep track of my diet and exercise and I want to be able to make myself accountable for it. I hope that my frankness in my dealings and struggles will help somebody else want to become healthier. That is my goal, to become healthy. OK, I will admit, that I also want the wow factor. I want my husband to look at me and have that Ba-Baam moment. Deep down I don't want him to love me just for my personality and our friendship.